What Parenting Coordination Can and Cannot Do
The parenting plan has been signed. Then school closes on a day the plan does not mention. A child needs a backpack that is at the other home. A change in the soccer schedule turns into a disagreement about transportation. Before long, the parents are back in a familiar argument, and the child is waiting for an answer.
These are the kinds of moments in which parenting coordination may help.
A parenting plan gives a family a framework. Living within that framework requires decisions, communication and follow-through. When parents repeatedly get stuck, a parenting coordinator can help them work through the practical questions and reduce the conflict their children experience along the way.
The starting point is understanding the assignment.
What does the order already require? What remains open? What can the parents decide together? What authority has the parenting coordinator actually been given? Those questions matter before anyone begins asking the coordinator to settle the disagreement.
Consider a disagreement about a school pickup. One parent says the other is being controlling. The other says the first is unreliable. Each may have a long history to explain. The immediate task is to establish who will collect the child, when, and how a change will be communicated. Understanding the history may help explain the difficulty. The child still needs a workable arrangement.
A parenting coordinator may help parents clarify the issue, exchange the information needed to consider it and develop a practical response within the permitted scope. That work can include communication guidelines, transitions between homes and other recurring questions about implementing the parenting plan.
It can also help parents notice what happens inside them before they respond.
A request to change a time may be heard as criticism. A delayed reply may bring up a fear of being excluded. Those are possibilities to explore, with care, rather than conclusions to assign to either parent. When a parent can recognize the reaction, there may be more room to decide what the child needs and how to respond.
That is one way The Me in MediationⓇ connects with this work. The internal conversation influences the conversation between the parents. Learning to pause, check an assumption and make a clear request can make the next disagreement easier to handle.
The coordinator’s authority still has boundaries.
In Massachusetts, Standing Order 1-17 distinguishes assistance in reaching agreements from binding decisions. Binding authority requires the parents’ express written agreement incorporated into a court order or judgment. Its scope must be defined. The court retains jurisdiction over fundamental custody, parenting time and support issues. If parents reach an agreement through parenting coordination that changes an existing order or judgment, court approval is needed to make that change enforceable. The governing rules and appointment documents must be examined in each jurisdiction.
A professional’s legal or psychological training does not expand the assignment. Parents need to understand whether they are receiving assistance toward agreement, a recommendation, or a binding decision within an authorized scope. They also need to understand how they may seek court review.
The practical arrangements deserve the same attention. How will an issue be submitted? What information should accompany it? Will both parents have an opportunity to respond? What does the service cost, and what work will be billed? How long will the appointment continue? What happens when the service needs to end?
Clarity about those questions can prevent the process itself from becoming another source of conflict. Parents should also understand what information may be shared with each other or the court and what confidentiality protections apply.
Parenting coordination has limits in what it can accomplish for the relationship, too. A coordinator cannot promise trust, compel goodwill or guarantee that both parents will learn the same skills at the same pace. One parent may begin communicating more clearly while the other continues to struggle. Progress may begin with a more dependable exchange of information or a transition that no longer draws the child into the argument.
Safety concerns require appropriate assessment and safeguards. Fear, coercion or family violence can affect whether and how a process is suitable. Those concerns need to be addressed directly when deciding what assistance a family needs.
At QuantumⓇ ADR, our Two-Coach ApproachⓇ brings Ashleigh’s psychological and relational expertise together with Jeff’s decades of family law litigation and trial experience. Understanding both dimensions helps us examine the process, its limits and the decisions people are being asked to make. The role and authority for any particular engagement must be clear from the outset.
A useful first step for parents is to bring one recurring disagreement back to the plan. Identify what the plan says, what still needs an answer and what information would help. Consider what the child is experiencing while the adults remain stuck.
Parenting coordination works toward making daily life more manageable for the family. A child who can get to school, enjoy an activity and move between homes without carrying the parents’ disagreement has something meaningful to gain.
To explore whether parenting coordination, co-mediation or conflict coaching may fit your family’s needs, visit QuantumADR.com to arrange a complimentary introductory Zoom with Ashleigh and Jeff.
